MISSING SCHOOL CAFETERIA : (FT.COVID-19)

How did school cafeteria influence your life? 

It has been 43 days since I wasn’t there. Forty-three days is long enough to miss something; I have missed the moments I enjoyed most: the moments of trivial jokes, whether super cheesy or not; the moments others threw a frowning face towards us for the mess we made; the moment my best pals become Catty Cathys, always talking and talking. The few moments of silence as an upset hardly came, but it was only when we enjoyed a meal or watched movies while sharing single earphones. Certainly, the raging academic discussions emerged from nowhere, but were put out with bursts of laughter. Being crazy or going overboard, whatever we were called, this was the way we were at KMLA cafeteria.

The beginning of these cafeteria meetings goes back to the first day I came back to school from my gap year. I was a timid, relatively old pal, worried about having my lunch alone with no friends at all. There were noisy young student pals everywhere - meaningless noise to me. They even evoked a sense of silence to me and nothingness from my point of view.  I wanted to stay in my room, hopelessly doing nothing and confining myself into the virtue of darkness. The boisterous place was annoying enough to put me aside from others.  Waiting in line for the school meal, surrounded by a noisy atmosphere, I felt like I was the only person on a deserted island of the sea of students. I thought to myself, "I’m done here." The perpetuity of isolation started to eat me away. Until, anonymously, SHE came close to me and offered to have lunch together. She didn’t lead me, pulling my hand. She didn’t push me hard to go further. Rather, she grabbed my hand and we walked side-by-side to the table of other students. In a flash, she became the beginning of my social life and the center of the cafeteria, the space of relationship and enjoyment. She started calling other reluctant pals around me like raking scattered leaves and helped make the day end up with swarms of pleasant young girls and boys. Since then, the cafeteria has been the central parlor of my school days.


It is always good to have a place to go freely. Sitting around the table with others in the cafeteria soothes me, at least for a while. In this place, and for such a short time, more thoughtful concerns and productive thoughts spring up, boiling down overwhelming worries to the bottom. Seemingly countless school assignments can also be completed in an instant, while conversing and sharing ideas with friends. Having a group presentation, not a presentation alone, makes us feel the joy of learning, and the value of interacting with others. Even the excitement of creating a big flow of team projects thrills us while stepping further and further with our heads joined up. 

There comes more spice to add in this magical place, which makes us never shut our mouths for two purposes: talking and eating. We become delighted to have chicken skewers with rich flavor of red sauce seasoning marinated in it, fish cake skewers that can be dipped in ramen, and sliced pizza that harmonizes meatballs with various vegetables.  Some students spend time with their close friends or have club meetings holding simple snacks and cool soda pops one hand, while others have fun conversations, eating crispy cereal and fresh milk served every evening.  Entering worried, exiting fulfilled and refreshed.  It’s the place that makes it possible for some small things to take up all my heart.

Oh, it has been 44 days since I wasn’t there. Another day to count. I have been counting all the days of being quarantined. My desire to come back to the school cafeteria has been growing since I got into a severe argument with HER, who invited me to her table of other friends, the day before all students were sent back home. I still don’t clearly see what happened between us. Maybe it all happened due to my blindness. Maybe it was because of my selfishness. Or, maybe it is all because of my lack of consideration. But, one thing I can clearly tell is that we both needed to see each other. I got to see her again and we talked to each other face-to-face about how we suffered from endless school homework, never-ending team assignments, and being surrounded by an infinitely competing atmosphere. I should let her know, among all these tasks to do, there is especially one time I can take comfort and smile wholly without any concern about the duties given to me. I should tell her amid such a harsh circle of life, you, and your meeting at the cafeteria, was the beam of light on cloudy days. I got to confess her how I feel grateful for her being at the cafeteria with me, and that’s why I constantly tried to reach back out to her by texting with a few times of no responses, drowning me into deep dreadful depression. I kept texting her, and waited.

Finally I got the response from her, it said, “Let’s meet at the cafeteria. If we can have a talk one-on-one in a sincere mood, we can restore our friendship." 

Full of hope and excitement to meet her thrills me, and I now can’t wait to see her and become best friends again without counting another day, being quarantined due to COVID-19. 

“It is always useful to know where a friend-and-relation is." by A.A.Milne. 

Here, I would add "If you sincerely value it, you will reach it."

NEW INSIGHT TOWARDS GOD

     One day, a girl found herself confined to a white square room, entangled with IV drips on the back of her hand. The girl’s days full of happiness abruptly stopped, and she became unable to eat, sleep, and even walk due to physical weakness, being hospitalized for the first time in her life. This girl had been busy all her life, studying and competing in competitions. Such a purposeless hospital life therefore seemed very strange to her, and the emptiness that came from doing nothing was so stressful that she felt the futility of being. On Sunday morning, when the sun shone, a man left a piece of paper on her desk with the hospital church schedule. The crooked letters written on this single piece of paper were a great opportunity to change her.

     Having lived a busy life without observing the Sabbath, I realized that I had been neglecting my relationship with God. I began to listen to the hymns instead of wandering around, and spent time thinking deeply about what God had given me. The book ‘The Purpose Driven Life' served as a stimulus to increase my interaction with God and allowed me to think about myself. Then, I wrote the following prayer, and read it in my mind before every meal, praying earnestly so that I could find my direction in life.

Dear God, 

I’ve fallen short from your glory, but I know that you have never departed, and that you are right here by my side. Fill my heart with your love, take away my worries, cleanse me, and make me whole to overcome the doubts, emptiness, and sadness in my soul. Allow me to have the wisdom to overcome these hardships I am going through. I pray that you, who loves me most, will ease and cure my sins at the right time. Thank you for still bestowing your blessings upon me. Amen.

     Over time I found myself changing. I thought nothing had changed much, but my values began to fill with love and hope. I was deeply concerned about the idea of being obedient and living by God. I started to speak about my own happiness and the happiness of people around me. My self-hatred vanished through my unremitting efforts to escape darkness. My stress seemed to be getting better. My self-abuse began to diminish. By focusing on God, I gained strength and courage to endure such loneliness and blankness. Still today, I pray to God, for I can use my tongue to speak of hope and faith. I still feel thankful to the man who handed me a single piece of paper that made my whole life change. Amen.

VALUE OF UNIVERSITIES

     What does going to university mean? Currently in Korean society, all high school students try to go to a certain university. And here, students at Korean Minjok Leadership Academy also spend three years of high school to go to the university, without much difference from other high school students in Korea. Why does college mean so much that we all try so hard to get to the top? 

     College is a place that offers study with expertise, and if there is anything you need to learn to achieve a particular dream, going to college is a very good choice. In terms of life, the majority of people recommend going to college because it is a place where they can meet new people and create new relationships. But what we want is not just a regular university. The places we want are those universities that everyone is surprised by - just a name that has high status. As one student who also wants to go to such a university, my position on the university is as follows.

     We all don't have to go to a high-ranking university. You don't even have to go to college. But you should know that the benefits of graduating from a good university certainly exist. The following example illustrates the greatest merit among them. If you don't go to college when you get a job at a company, or you graduate from a lesser university, you have to spend a lot of time and effort proving your abilities. On the other hand, if we leave Sky University, it is a place where we enter and graduate through a very difficult process, so we can proceed with some confidence, even if the former does not exert all the effort. Not just for the school's name value, but for the process of being accepted to the school - long, long years of patience, the achievements of exhaustive effort, and the overcoming of difficulties must be faced. Given this, it is clear that there is a reason to go to a university and that there are many things you can get when you go there. 

     To put it more directly, I think that only when an individual's will to go to college exists can he or she understand the meaning of university and make good use of it. There is no point in simply going to a university that your parents want or just going to the school chosen by the same group of friends around you in high school. If you are going to college for the benefit of the above-mentioned social aspects, that may be your own reason. However, if it is considered that graduating from college will bring stability to society, it cannot be the only  reason. Not only does it actually bring stability, due to the recent job shortage, but if aspirations do not exist, all of this is meaningless. 

     We cannot simply think of college as a goal in life, but as a step toward achieving our goal in life, so we can run toward a bigger dream. At least as much as my friends who are taking practical Korean language classes, I hope I can walk through my life with civic thinking, as a stepping stone to a more distant dream, rather than simply being tied up in a university only to live a decent life, regardless of whether I have a dream or not. ​​​​​​​

Though potatoes grow with tomatoes, they don't become tomatoes.  Potatoes are most beautiful when they shine in themselves, rather than when they are with all of the tomatoes. 
(Of course, the combination of French fries and tomato ketchup is acceptable.)

DEAR FUTUREME

Dear future Hayoung Kim living in 2020

Hello Harvy,

  How are things? This time next year I think you might have a hard time again, as I have been having since 2017, so I decided to send you a letter. KMLA is a mysterious place. When November comes, I lose my strength and fall into nihilism, considering every effort I make as if to no avail. I believe you might feel again the same way we did in the past, like we did two weeks ago from now (when I am writing this letter). 

  Though you might be going through some hardships controlling yourself and reconciling what you should with what you want to do, I wanted to tell you to ‘keep going’. As we did in 2019, I pray for you to have the same wisdom and the power to overcome all such afflictions you will go through, to gain the courage to endure the loneliness and to only speak of hope and faith.

  Imagine yourself: after two years, you will be finally walking into 2021 with a lighter heart and a clearer mind. Graduation is coming up, so you might be feeling various emotions that are entirely new. Enjoy those times feeling your heart pounding in your chest. Make the best of the time you spend with your friends. Don’t worry about seeing your current happiness eventually fade away; just focus on the present and live in the moment. I sincerely believe that you will do well. If not, I believe your pain won't last too long. 

  Lastly, this is a short phrase from Philippians 3:13, which I believe will be helpful for you: Keep in mind, keep going on, your future awaits you. 

Forget what is behind and look ahead.

From Hayoung Kim living in 2019 (2019.11.20)

HOW I SPEND CHUSEOK

On a scale from 1 to 10, in terms of tradition, I’d rate my Chuseok a 0.
However, in terms of its true meaning, 10. 

  You may imagine Chuseok, a major harvest festival held around the autumn equinox, is the time when people visit their hometown and share a feast of Korean traditional food, respecting the past generation by serving freshly harvested food.  

  Waking up at 1.00 p.m. on Chuseok Eve, you lazily start your daily routine, looking at the phone screen, searching for news. Scrolling down the new messages on a screen, you find one posted by one of your besties. 

“On my way to my hometown for seven and a half hours, still in the hell.”

You reply under her post. 
“Hometown, where?”

“Busan”

“Arrrrrrrrr…..”
“Why do you go there?”

“You fool, it’s my parents’ hometown. Got to visit my grandparents. What about you? heading somewhere?”

“Nope, just woke up.”

“Arrrrrrrr……sick and tired of sleeping in a car. Most of all, annoying Chuseok stuff. Anyway, I got to help my mom and aunts to prepare huge meals. I am already really tired.”

  She seems to be much bothered with ‘Chuseok thing’ - the whole Korean citizens moving to the countryside at the same time. It is also fully understandable that she is barely controlling her anger about all this traditional stuff. Trying to soothe her as much as possible, finally you end up in conversation, saying that you have a schedule. 

  After a few minutes of scrolling down, you find lots of other messages from all around, insisting that they are in the most stressful and annoying situations, scavenging for any fun stories which can take their minds out of the traffic. Shrugging your shoulders, you feel like all messages are none of your business because you have rarely been in such a situation. 

  It’s been over 8 years since you visited your grandparent’s house meeting the cousins. The family meeting other than Chuseok, when the heavy traffic reaches its peak, has become a new tradition of your family after grandfather passed away.

  Feeling a little relieved for not being under such a desperate situation of crazy traffic, you feel a little bit different at the same time, more frankly a little upset, wondering if you are all alone in the house. 
Your eyes start scouting all over the house, questioning who’s in the house.  

  Here she is.
  Your mom is yelling out to you for lunch. Yelling back to her, you tramp to the kitchen table, not surprisingly, only to find you are the only one who was not woken. Father has gone to work, and brother is also outside hanging around with his friends. 
That’s fine.  It’s normal, you think to yourself. 

  The weirdo is your mom.
  Her lunch menu was “Teokguk”, a soup made of rice cake, well decorated with seaweed and soft white egg, deeply boiled spreading a deep odor.  
Well-prepared, but neither seasonal nor traditional.  
After finishing lunch, your mother asks if you want to go watch a movie.  

  Uh-oh, that’s not normal, mom.
  Most Koreans plan a successive ‘Charye’ during Chuseok, an ancestral memorial rite. However, rather than something ancestral relating topic, she asks you about “What are some interesting movies nowadays?”, and straightly books the ticket for a movie, expecting to spend half of her daytime at the theater enjoying her rare chance of leisurely cultural life. 

Mom, is this what you will do today?  
No food? 
No relatives? 
Never mind, it is not unusual. Give her a break.

  What matters most is, now; you are left at home, all alone. 
  Your feet automatically head to your room where there a breeze cools the air. Without hesitation, and forgetting about the temporal annoyance of other family members not being there, you plunge into your bed and diving into your abyss of sleep, never realizing even in your dream that mother’s Teokguk will be the last ‘Chuseok’ish meal during the holiday break. 

  “Kotok, KKattok……. KKattok ” 
  An alarm sound from your phone wakes you up.
You see a message from your friend, Wheeseung, showing off her dinner menu with a photo posted.
She smiles brightly in her picture, as if she has never complained about anything about before. 
She is the happiest girl in her picture with lots of delicious food prepared. Inside the photo, there was beef rib marinated with rich flavored sweet and salty soybean sauce, marinated thinly sliced beef with red bean paste sauce, traditional Korean sweet potato noodles mixed with colorful vegetables and sweet soy sauce. The best-looking dish is Songpyeon, Korean traditional seasonal rice cake filled with sweet sesame seeds fillings, only available on Chuseok.  

  This single photo leads you to imagine yourself sitting together around the table, full of Korean traditional food you love, as if your phone had a 4D technology applied for expressing the scent of all food types. 

You send one phrase back to Wheeseung, “Envy you……”

You feel a deep sorrow, feelings of deprivation. 
You feel something is missing.
And, you fall asleep again, wishing to spend a ‘ordinary’ Chuseok as all others do.

  Waking up to realize it is dinner time, you scan the place around you, scouting again anyone.
This time, you find your mom returning from the movie, your dad returning from dog walking, and your older brother looking energetic after an exciting meeting with friends. 

Dad, another weirdo, asks. 
“Wanna go out eating?”

“No way! All restaurants are closed on Chuseok Eve, you know,” mom says, laughing.

“I want to eat your ramen stuff,” you and your brother chorus.

  It’s that simple.  
  Dad prepares a big pot and a bunch of instant ramen to cook. The beginning is the sort of unremarkable normal instant ramen, but after eating the noodle part, my dad’s signature menu comes in. It’s a porridge like food made with leftover ramen soup and steamed rice. Certainly it is far away from traditional family festivities; you can see all family members talking, laughing, touching, and soothing just like Wheeseung’s picture has. 

  You ask the rest if you can take a picture, and find the happiest smiles brightly on everyone’s face from the family selfies.  

  What is Chuseok for?
  Enjoyable Feast? Happy Gathering? or Stressful holiday?

  Whatever it means to you, is there any reason for having such feelings only on special holidays like Chuseok?

  I doubt it. 

  Just look around you. 

  If you believe there are affectionate and healthy family members that you can meet wherever and whenever, and if you have only humble meals to share, Chuseok comes even from ramen porridge.

ETERNAL MOMENTS

An Eternal Moment. 
    Eternal, an adjective used to describe a matter which does not change, as it transcends time. Moment, a noun which represents a brief period. Once you read this phrase, all of you might notice that these two words cannot stick together. One word is for a permanent time, while the other is for an instant in time, showing a great contradiction. This phrase, an eternal moment, is what I seek the most nowadays.

    It all started from the day I deeply thought about what happiness is and how happiness comes to life. People think that happiness is valuable only since sorrow also exists; that happiness is precious only if it does not stay permanently. However, I could not agree with this statement for some reason. Even if happiness came to my side, I was full of insecurity that I would lose the current emotion, which I longed to keep forever. This tendency led me to fail to sympathize with the previous sentence about how people generally talk about happiness and its worth.

    Taking photos or videos might be one way for people to maintain moments eternally. During a trip with a loved one, people box their memories inside the film: memories might consist of sights or emotions. Though, I think this only helps to recall and reminiscence, rather than pertaining to the feeling at that time. Pondering what actions I have made when I've felt happiness, I came up with one question.

    Why should ‘happiness’ be trapped in the framework of ‘momentary’?
Even if happiness cannot last forever, I wish joy could stand by me longer and warmly and let me feel more loved. Wanting to erase all other thoughts covering up happiness, I hope I can confirm the integrity of uncertain love towards me. Until the day I escape from this endless pain surrounded by countless emotions - anger, surprise, fear, disgust, and sadness - I guess my journey to answer this question will never end.

LOLLIPOP MOMENT

I was introduced to the concept of ’lollipop moment’ through the video attached above, I wondered whether there was a lollipop moment in my life, and otherwise, if I am grown enough to give any lollipop moments to any person nearby. Considering any possible moment that I can remember, certainly, I can tell I have given some to someone else because now I understand that every single moment is meaningful to myself and someone who’s interconnected with me for some reason. What about the chance to alter myself? Now, here comes a big event which has completely changed my life.                                                                                                                                                       
      In 2016, when I was spending my last vacation during middle school, my mom recommended that I apply for a special camp called ‘IP-CEO entrepreneurship education for the gifted.’ Until the selection camp started, I strongly expressed my anger towards my mom; I did not know exactly what kind of education this camp provided, what kind of advantages I could gain from it, or what kind of students participated in the program. However, after I spent three days at KAIST, the life goals that I had I sustained for four years totally changed.                                                                           
      I had experienced several types of education provided for gifted children; each program concentrated in science, math, or integrated subjects. The IP CEO entrepreneurship education program was way different from these educational institutes. The students were passionate about inventing products, coming up with new ideas, and creating an innovative world. This difference showed an obvious distinction from students who only devoted their time in studying math and science. Drafting patents or writing a business plan in a particular topic - it was about blockchain at that time - was a new experience I had never gone through before.                                                                           
      While preparing for KMLA, I solidified my dream to become a professor, majoring in blue chemistry for a green economy. In the midst of it, the short period quantitively, but a long period qualitatively at the camp was a significant turning point in my life. My dream to become a professor turned into a dream of becoming a CEO and running a company based on my own intellectual property.                                                                                                                                                       
      Among many CEOs who focus on making the most profit of all, professor Minhwa Lee, the developer of this gifted education institute, taught us to become ‘cooperative geeks.’ A cooperative geek can be defined as a creative person who can cooperate with the artificial intelligence that will take charge of repeatability in the 21st century: a person who can move from closed efficiency to opened innovation. He also said this, “Be a person who grows the size of a pie, not a person who takes a lot of pie.” This phrase laid the foundation for me to become a broad-minded person, realizing the noblesse oblige. I became engaged in volunteering to devote myself to society to make a better world from the perspective of a student.                                                                           
      I always feel thankful to professor Minhwa Lee, who gave me the opportunity to participate in this KAIST IP CEO education institute. For three years, the program enabled me to become interested in more diverse fields and a wider variety of social classes, from the weak to the strong. One day, I wish I could become a big influencer as professor Lee has done through this institution. In another essay, I will introduce a lollipop moment I gave to my friend when I was 16, though the influence is not that big compared to what I have experienced.